Unfortunately, men are right about one thing: we women are illogical. But only when it comes to one very specific point: our self-esteem in terms of appearance. All the more reason to finally free ourselves from the dictates of beauty.
The nose too big, the eyes too small, the hair too thin and the thighs too round. When it comes to declaring our own bodies a desolate construction site, we women are truly world champions. And that doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with modesty.
Emancipation and old burdens
Sad but true: despite emancipation and a new self-confidence, we women are still terribly insecure about our bodies. Often something is put into our heads at a young age that we often have to nibble on for the rest of our lives. And: it doesn’t exactly look like the problem is going away.
A study by British fitness trainer Irene Estry and psychologist Emma Kenny found that women think negatively about their appearance around 36 times a day. That’s a whopping 252 times a week. For the study, 100 British women between 35 and 69 were asked to carry a counting device with them for a week and press it whenever they worried about their appearance or body. How is it that we women see ourselves so negatively ?
Freeing women from the beauty craze
One reason is certainly the much-maligned media. Although we should know better, we emulate the flawless beauties in the glossy magazines, on whom time and age leave no traces thanks to image editing programs. We admire the professional teenage celebrities in America who are addicted to Size Zero and Botox.
It is hardly surprising that even little girls of ten think they are too fat and imitate the poses of Heidi Klum’s model candidates. If their mothers are also constantly complaining about their bodies, how can they know any better? Especially adolescents in puberty are not very stable in their self-image and are easily irritated.
If we want to quote the Federal Center for Health Education: “The ideal figure is called slim. Those who are slim are not only beautiful and attractive, but also dynamic and successful in their professional and private lives – or so the media would have us believe. The top models show on the catwalk and on television what being slim means. Many are ultra-thin and have the weight of an anorexic.”
With serious consequences: Recent surveys show that almost 50 per cent of normal-weight 11- to 17-year-old girls consider themselves too fat. Another survey among adolescents has shown that 22 percent of the respondents must be classified as conspicuous with regard to their eating behavior. Thus, more than every fifth child in Germany shows symptoms of an eating disorder.
Sure, there are prominent women like Beyoncé, Beth Ditto and Adele who show us that there are exciting personalities beyond size zero. And the campaign by the magazine Brigitte, which did without professional models, and a body lotion advertisement with normal, curvy women are also good approaches. But we ourselves would rather look perfect, if we are honest. Especially since 99 percent perfect models continue to smile at us from the billboards.
Struggle and training
Women learn from an early age that their own bodies are not perfect. Rather, it is one big problem zone. We have to starve, train and dress up to become better and more beautiful. Through discipline and hard work, one’s own body is fought and conquered. Insane, when you think about how much of our lives and above all our energy we spend on this purely external problem.
The consequences of the lack of self-esteem not only steal time, but often go to the substance: eating disorders, depression and slimming mania. A whole armada of light foods, pills and creams has emerged to pick us up exactly where our destroyed self-image has left us frustrated in front of the mirror.
Even cosmetic surgery is no longer as frowned upon as it was a few years ago, but serves the wishes and needs of an ever-growing clientele. A Forsa survey commissioned by the health insurance company KKH-Allianz shows that one in four people between the ages of 16 and 29 now have a positive attitude towards cosmetic surgery.
Ways out of the wrong self-image: Tips for more self-esteem
To get out of the whole mess, we should actively fight the inner voice that tells us when we look in the mirror in the morning that we have rings under our eyes and too big a bottom. Put an end to the harsh criticism we dish out to ourselves every day. Of course, this can’t be done overnight. But it can be worked on.
An end to merciless self-criticism
This doesn’t mean that we have to tell ourselves, like in a bad motivational seminar, “You’re great! You are beautiful!” in front of the mirror. It simply means that we have to make friends with ourselves. Every point of criticism must also be countered with something good. The bottom is too fat? Fine, it’s a great eye-catcher in your favorite jeans. The nose is too big? Maybe that’s exactly the certain something that makes our face expressive and special.
Dr Frauke Höllering, a general practitioner specializing in psychosomatic and sexual medicine, advises: “Everyone should ask themselves what is particularly beautiful about them and underline this with their styling: Beautiful skin, a lush décolleté, a slim waist, expressive eyes, beautiful hair …”
Put an end to perfectionism
Many people build their self-esteem on their appearance and on the approval of others. Beautiful, young, successful and popular. That is the ideal that finds recognition everywhere. But what about the positive-thinking life artist who, although professionally he or she plays in the district league and doesn’t look like George Clooney either, radiates a deep, inner contentment? A positive aura and inner contentment can make a person incredibly beautiful.
Anyone who builds their self-esteem only on outward appearances will also quickly realise that this is vulnerable and fleeting. And if someone is under pressure and permanently dissatisfied, this will also show in their appearance.
“Posture is more important than beauty: if you walk upright and look your counterpart in the eye, you immediately appear completely different,” explains Dr Frauke Höllering. And something else is important: smiling. “Far too few people smile in a friendly way when they enter a room or introduce themselves to others. Why is that ?
Learning to love corners and edges
Sooner or later, we should start accepting our physical imperfections. Just as we would never look at our loved one’s small belly or incipient receding hairline with horror, we should also treat ourselves more carefully and not hate ourselves for our flaws.
We have many merits, inner and outer, and are valuable even with a small belly and other supposed flaws. And: In other times and in other cultures, an ultra-skinny woman was not and is not necessarily the ideal of beauty.
Learning to say no
At some point we find our own style, in life as in our appearance. We start to stop wanting to look “like everyone” and run after every trend. We start to look more critically at the beauties in the media.
We know that hardly any normal woman lives up to this ideal, and we know that even the magazine beauties only look so flawless thanks to image editing. We should start saying ‘no’. And create our own idea of beauty. One that suits us and that we can live up to.
Through the eyes of friends
What else we can do: Ask people who like us for who we are. Our friends. Our family. We will realise: our environment does not see us as critically as we see ourselves. Ask your friends and ask them for an honest opinion about what is striking and special about you. The cheeky smile, the ice-blue eyes, the long hair or the special way of moving … there are certainly a few things.
The good thing is that most women become more confident as they get older. They know what they want and they radiate it. At some point we will notice that we are gaining inner beauty, even if the first wrinkles appear here and there. For sure.